A long strangely unstressful week
So with the CDC coming to inspect our new facility tomorrow everyone here has been running around like headless chickens preparing for their arrival . . . you'd think I'd be completely stressing, but I'm not! I've reached the point where I know everything I've done for the past 3 weeks is complete and I can't do much about the things which aren't as completely ready, such as the building works which to my knowledge are still going on as I type (or at least I hope they are cause as of noon today they weren't finished!)
I cannot lie the past few weeks have been very difficult for me for multiple reasons (getting visas for my ATW trip, planning parts of my travel, preparing for CDC inspection to name a few) but I'm doing so much better this week. Maybe my "f**k it" attitude comes from the fact that I've been reading my favourite book in the world,
F**k It, by John Parkin.
A combination of reading that book, my trainer saying go for it, & my parents agreeing are the reason I'm going on my around the world trip. I mean I wanted to go as well, but I needed support from others whom I trusted!
Have I shown you a map of all the places I'm going? Here it is, I've even drawn a black line so you can see it more clearly (I hope) I think you can click on it to make it bigger if you want to.
As a friend pointed out recently it's really around the world in the southern hemisphere, and yes she was correct, I start & end north of the equator, but for about 6 months straight I'll be south of it.
Okay, back to work for now . . .
Labels: feelings, travel, work
the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth
Ever really wanted to say something to someone but worry about how they'd react or how it might change your relationship? I've been thinking about this a lot recently! I think I've said this before on my blog, but it's worth repeating.
Not to brag or sound high on myself, but I have lots of friends, around the world! I have never sat down & listed them from top to bottom in order of importance, but I know who the important ones are. But I still wonder where I stand in their eyes. I say this because when I know I'm going to be near them, we start to make plans, then as the time gets closer I get this impending feeling like the meeting we've set up just isn't going to happen, then when the time comes as I worried the meeting falls through. They always apologise for not being able to make it to see me, but what I really want to say is, "I've just flown over 3,000 miles, hired a car, driven another 200 miles, and all you can say is sorry? Really if you were a true friend who really cared, you make more of an effort! I'm okay if you don't want to be friends with me anymore, I've got lots, just don't bother with all the lip service in the first place." This is also true of all those friends who swore up and down that they would come and visit me whilst I've been living over in London - a place to say and a tour guide to help you get around London for FREE, how can you pass that up?
I can list on one hand the number of people (dad, mom, Patty & Matt (they count as one), my cousin Tim, and my "brother" Mike) who have come to visit. This really makes me sad, actually it really pisses me off! To add more salt to this wound, my "brother" Mike introduced me to his best mate's family (Neala & Ben - who I spent Easter with this year) who all live in Germany. Neala in turn introduced me to her best mate Melissa & her family. This August Neala & Melissa are coming to visit me - ya know cause that's what friends do. I understand it's easier for them to fly over from Germany, but hello if you keep an eye on the airlines there are always good deals popping up for direct flights from Montreal, NYC (JFK or Newark), Boston, DC, etc. Corinne (my mate since 5
th grade) is coming to visit in August & if she can't get cheap flights here I'm going to meet up with her somewhere else in Europe. Again if you don't want to fly to London let me know - I'm willing to travel to Europe to see you - that's what my sis & I keep talking about. So what is
every one's excuse for not coming to visit?
MORE SO, what is their excuse for not seeing me when I'm home? No, wait, I get it, you just don't care enough! Don't give me some half arse reply like, "we didn't have time" YOU MAKE TIME for the things you want to do & the people you want to see! My
real friends have done it for the past 3 years I've lived abroad, how come you can't?
"If you could say one thing to me without any consequences what would you say? Think about it . . . and say everything you feel, think and want cause life is short!" - unknown quote I really think fits in with this post!
Feel free to leave an
anonymous comment especially if you think you have any insight into what I'm talking about.
Labels: best friends, feelings, hurt, living abroad, mates, truth
When I grow up I wanna be . . .
a question I've been asking myself a lot recently! Can I see myself doing research 30 years from now . . . not so much. Why you ask? Well to be honest I'm not totally sure, but to the best of my ability I think that I don't find it to be as rewarding as I would like it to be. I've thought about this quite a bit & asked advice from lots of my mates here in the UK and abroad. Here is the email I sent out asking for their thoughts on my thoughts:
Seem to have been bitten rather hard by a travel bug, here is the update: In May I'm off to Rome for 1st bank holiday & then to St Petersburg for 5 days at end of month, 2nd bank holiday probably going to the lake district (northern England) June 11-15th I'm in Berlin for a conference, June 19th headed home till July 12th. August 16th in Jim & Beck's wedding in Nottingham. September Dad & I are in Edinburgh, Scotland for a few days. October possibly gong to Rwanda. After that I'll be totally skint, but hopefully have cool photos & fun stories to tell from it - but don't expect any Christmas presents - LOL.
Aside from that I've got another meeting with the people who fund me on May 15th & I HAVE to prove I'm worth funding cause at the moment they want to cancel my grant in December. This being said I'm thinking more & more about not staying past December. Maybe it's the crap weather we've been having or maybe it's me finally getting "home sick" if you can call it that after nearly 3 years, but I've been thinking more & more about moving state side sooner rather than later. I'm still up in the air about what to do with "the rest of my life". I'm still in search of a possibly a new job where I feel like I'm making more of a difference. I know the possibility of me finding a cure or vaccine against the disease I work on is NOT going to happen anytime soon. Not sure that time frame is working for me - if you get my drift. It's weird, it's not that I'm not having fun here, it's just that I sorta feel like I'd like to see my family & friends more often than once a year when we're all rushed at Christmas & I have to rush to see them all in just 1 week & share them with other friends & relatives who are in the same situation (if that makes any sense). PLEASE, PLEASE don't mention this to anyone I work with or put any sort of message which could be seen by them (ie facebook), I don't want to jeopardize anything here, in case I decide to stay past December. Any thoughts???I received lots of replies, primarily saying "I will support you in whatever you feel you want to do" which was not really the answer I was looking for, but appreciate that you're being supportive in my time of need. But I did get one really really good reply, which I'll share with you now:
If it helps at all none of any of your contemporaries back here seem to know what they want to do either; K and M want desperately to move back up north but M hasn't received any job offers yet and is making great money working here. K.......well you know. S can't decide if he should stay with NYPD or move back to CT to work in Manchester or East Hartford, etc. TM likes working and living in Boston but now his wife wants to move back to Oregon and T wants to live in VT. I can't decide if I want to take a job with our plain clothes investigative unit, move up north, join our SWAT unit, stay where I am, etc. JC doesn't know what he wants to do other than he is enjoying teaching. WR wanted to build a house in Keene Valley, but then he decided he would go live in Utah for six months and we haven't seen him since.If it helps the decision making process at all TW is about to get a job with NYPD so I'd say living in the city is a bad idea on the grounds alone that they are going to give that little goofball a gun.
So that's where it seems we all are. Never happy or content with ourselves and I don't think we would have it any other way. I will say this though I love my job and look forward to going to work everyday and I don't see that changing anytime soon so you see it's not really work at all. Beyond any advice I could give you about being home sick and away from friends and family I would offer that you should make sure you are still happy with your career. If not than you definitely need a change. As far as friends and family go I'm sure we'll always be "around".
Enjoy the travel and keep me posted on what's new.
-pjcThis mate of mine always has an excellent perspective to give. He was the one who when I wasn't sure what to think after my parents got divorced & I was feeling really lost said to me, "Sara, they did what they thought was best for you & Patty at the time. They never intended on hurting you - any lies that were told were said with the best intention . . . and look at you both now - turned out pretty well in my opinion." He was right then and once again he's hit the nail on the head. I'm not so much missing my friends & family as they're always "around". I'm not lacking in friends in the UK - I'm just lacking in my job. So back to the drawing board I go . . . where it will lead I don't know. What I have figured out is I want a job where I feel like I'm making more of an impact. No I don't want to save the world or get a Nobel prize (I mean those would be nice, but a bit out of reach of reality). I just think a job where I feel there is more reward is what I'm leaning towards. Teachers can see their students learning. Cops arrest "bad guys" and help little old ladies. Plumbers fix leaking pipes for people. I LOVED working at boy scout camp - I helped scouts to learn leather work, woodworking, and how to ride a horse. Since then I haven't felt like someone has benefited from the research I've done - I know small steps have been made, but given the choice I'd prefer a larger step be made & seen my me. So I'm going to keep mulling this over in my head & see what I come up with. Maybe even try to speak with a life coach or do some sort of aptitude testing - who know . . .
Any comments/questions/advice is more than welcome.
Labels: advice, feelings, friends, future, jobs, thoughts, unknown
