slowly on the mend
Ankle update first: bruising is fading & pain is less. My friend who's a PA said it could be another 4-6 weeks before it starts to feel "normal".
About the personal stuff:
I've come to a realization that I think I have issues with losing people - I have a fear of being alone - I have no clue where this has come from, but while I thinking in the shower this morning that was what popped into my head. So I think while I'm in this weird limbo period without a job, without a home, with no clue when or where I will be moving etc, I really needed someone strong to lean on & I found that person, but they were the one who hurt me recently. That of course doesn't mean our friendship is totally over, just something I have to ponder & know that I'm not totally over it, but I think it did help me to start to put this all in perspective.
Another helpful part of my day today was that my friend Amanda (from London) had a similar situation just before she left for uni. Even though the detail are not the same, she pointed out that she felt that she turned a "distraction" into a stronger "relationship" in her head & I think that I have allowed myself to confuse these two as well. She also wrote, "I have gotten to the point where I now can see the negative aspects of our relationship. I had never let myself think those because I had assumed the "I broke up with him so it is all my fault and nothing was really wrong with the relationship, I was just selfish" role that everyone wanted me in." really hit home & made me feel a lot better.
Now thinking about it again after talking with some of my best friends, I wonder why I was (and probably will be again) so upset, I mean I have some of the greatest friends in the world & everything is not always going to be perfect, but these friends will never let me slip and fall too far. As I told one of them earlier, I really there was a better way than just to say "thank you" I wish I could repay them with something more substantial, though in another way I would never hope moments like these on them just to be able to prove that I would be there 100% like they have done for me.
At times I just wish I was 5 years old - to have no worries or responsibilities, where our greatest concern was if we were going to get mac & cheese or chicken nuggets for dinner - what I life we all took for granted.
Labels: best friends, injuries, thoughts
posted by Sara @ 6:19 pm
2 Comments:
life has its ups and downs, and you are certainly growing and learning as you go. good for you.
from your dad with love
I'm so touched by your testament to your wonderful friends. They are lucky to have you as well as the reverse!
Love, Mommio
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