Garnet's Life Adventures: Deep Thoughts

Friday, April 14

Deep Thoughts

This entry is dedicated to wonderful friends, it started out as a supportive email to one dear friend in particular, which might have actually back fired, but after reading it over, I wanted to post it for everyone to read, albeit with minor changes to keep identities hidden and I'll add a few photos of my friends at the end.

Well I always say if your guts says yes, go for it! (I've writing this as I thought it so I hope it makes sense!!)

OMG, I'm going to sound like a parent for a minute here, but I'm really starting to believe it more and more:

Everything happens for a reason & everyone we come in contact with has something to give us &/or we have something to give them.

Even if we don't realize it at that particular moment.

Looking back I can see that's true with some of my past relationships - it of course does hurt sometimes when you notice a relationship you've had might have been based more on you giving than receiving, but what goes around comes around.

My most recent example of this (and I believe perfect one at that) is my relationship with Jim (and Rob). I arrived here so unsure of everything, and I mean everything!! I became scared to live in this huge city without anyone I knew. I was doing fine while my dad was on the other end of the city (ya know a phone call away).

The night he was leaving I met three wonderful people, Jim, Rob, and Mark. I didn't know it at the time, that we were going to become so close during a time when I needed "help". I don't like to use the word help, who ever likes to admit that they need help, especially me, since I've some how become so darn independent (just ask my parents they'll tell you all about it!) But it's really the best word I can come up with.

OK, back to my point. My dad was leaving the following morning, classes had just started and everyone else (coursemates) had a HUGE theory background, while I had just lab experience, and nobody lived near me, they all seemed to either live at home or near uni in dorms, so they had people to hang out with & have meals with. Here I was living up in Kentish Town, all alone in my flat with neighbours across the hall who were never home & not really in a social circle I was about to join (Goth).

My first week went fine with classes, innate, adaptive immune systems, CD4, CD8, NK, T & B cells - I can handle that, all terms I'd heard before. That first Saturday was the first time I hung out with Jim (since we'd met that night at the pub) & we had so much fun - laughing & joking & talking about our upbringings. After that day I didn't see him for another week (he was working nights & I was "working" days).

Classes were getting harder, I was starting to miss SL, my friends, my family, the hustle & bustle of the city was starting to get to me, everything is dirty, all the time, everyone in a rush, oh yeah & as most of you know one of my good friends from SL & I weren't speaking (we'd had a falling out a week or so before I left). I was in need of someone who would be "on my side" to support & help me make it through the first few months over here. I know I had tons of support from the states, but until you're on your own in a few place you don't realize just how difficult it can be. There were days when I thought I might have given up. Jim became that person who would bridge the gap to "safety", he was 110% supportive, always offering fun thing to do when I was down - he always had a funny story when I was upset & crying. He and Rob made it so that I always had someone around anytime I needed to talk about anything (missing friends, missing family, dislikes about London or uni, etc). I realize now that even thought we had little in common & obviously not enough time to attempt to work things out between us, he was in my life to help me get through rough times.

Looking back, without him I might not have made it through as easily. I recall (one of the first few weeks I was here) going on line & looking up ticket prices to fly home b/c I just thought I was too dumb to make it through this MSc and I didn't have any close friends I could talk to about it at uni, and my friends back home were too far away to give me a hug which I so badly needed and wanted! I was on the British Airways website going through the times & prices when the phone rang with an invitation to meet at the pub for dinner. Trying to be big & strong during an obvious very weak moment I said "sure just give me 15 minutes to get sorted and I'll meet you in there!.

I hung up the phone & was brushing my hair in the bathroom wondering how to make myself look presentable, when the doorbell rang. I ran downstairs wondering who it could be and as I flung open the door I was drowned by two water guns and hysterical laughter coming from Jim & Rob. The water ceased for a few seconds, just long enough for me to hear Jim's voice say, "Now you've got real problems, looks like you've wet yourself, stop your moaning, go get your arse sorted, we're hungry!" I smiled, ran upstairs, changed my clothes & went out to dinner with them. They had some sort of sixth sense that always pulled me back up to where I should have been.

Since then our relationship has changed quite a bit, but I know that Jim & Rob were brought into my life so that I could make it here during those first few months. I don't have a clue what I brought to their lives, but I'm hopeful it was positive as well. So this very long winded story is just to tell you even if things don't work the way you want or plan, they are all experiences to help us get to where ever it is we're meant to go and help us to become the person we're suppose to be.

I've really realized that about my choice to come all the way to London. It was a quick & easy decision to make coming here and I'm so grateful that I've done it! But the decisions we make are not always cut & dry like this was, they can be difficult & at times once they're made they can turn out differently than we think or hope.

Okay, enough preaching - lol. I guess my point is you'll never know until you try, it doesn't always work out, but if you don't try you'll never know & wouldn't you hate to look back years from now & wonder, "what if" about any part of your life?

Here are the photos I promised

Shannon & me, summer before London "stole" me